My Husband’s #1 Secret to a Happy Marriage #HappyWivesClub

happy wives club blog tour

This post is part of the Happy Wives Club Blog Tour which I am delighted to be a part of. To learn more and join us, CLICK HERE!  

Yep, you read that right. I am about to reveal to you my husband’s number #1 secret to our happy marriage. (Keep reading, it’s probably not what you think.) A little background on “our story”, my husband and I were both young, our early twenties, when we met. We became best friends from the very day we met. We were very different from one another but balanced each other nicely and always had such fun when we were together. We remained “just friends” for quite some time and even dated other people throughout our friendship. Being best friends prior to dating was such a benefit to our relationship and our marriage now. We didn’t begin our relationship by only showing each other the best sides of our personalities or primping for hours before getting together. We started out as go to the gym, hair pulled back in a ponytail, guess-what-dumb-thing-I- just-did- phone-call, “can you help me move?”,  let’s go on and adventure, type of friends. With all that already under our belt, dating was a breeze.

Us - best friendsgoofy us most of the timemarriageAlice Randy & zombies

Marrying your best friend is perfection. However, marriage is never easy in the beginning. Everyone has their own way of doing things and usually the “my way is better” comes out whether you are male or female. Sometime within the first year of marriage, it came out between us too. One evening we were discussing an issue and the conversation became more heated. I’m sure the issue at hand was trivial now but clearly at the time I needed to make “my way” come out on top, so I elevated my tone A LOT  a little.

My husband completely stopped talking and looked at me, a little puzzled.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that? Don’t you have anything else to say?” I said, as I was half formulating my next response.

Not really. I am just wondering why you are yelling.

That was all he said.

“What? We are just communicating. Are you just giving up? Don’t you care about being RIGHT?!?”  (at the time, I didn’t even realize what I was doing was yelling. I simply thought I was just getting my point across more effectively.)

What he said next humbled me and has resolved all issues of elevated tones in our marriage. It has become my husband’s #1 secret to our happy marriage.

He looked into my eyes and very honestly replied, ” I don’t think we need to yell to communicate, I will always love YOU more than being right.

That statement completely rocked my world. It shut down all conflict. There was no longer an opposing force. With that one statement, we were on the same team again. Anyone who has ever played on a team in sports or worked on a team project together, knows that to be a good leader or teammate, you need to communicate effectively and help others succeed. One persons success means success for everyone. If we were on the same team, I had to help him succeed too. From that day on I knew, my husband cared about what I cared about and was willing to put my needs before his own. If he could do that for me, I was willing to do the same for him.

“I will always love YOU more than being right” has become our secret to a happy marriage for twelve years now. With so many discouraging stories of divorce and unhappy marriages, its encouraging to know happy marriages do exist and not just in fairy tales.

Fawn Weaver and I at BBC Dallas

Me with Fawn Weaver, founder and Author of Happy Wives Club, at Bloggy Boot camp Dallas 2013

A couple of months ago, I got the opportunity to meet Fawn Weaver at a conference and her story blew me away. Fawn was a happily married woman running a successful business—and then something happened. Maybe it was divorce rate reports on the evening news, The Real Housewives of Orange County, or any daytime talk show where husbands and wives dramatically reveal their betrayals.  Everywhere she looked, Fawn saw negative portrayals of marriage dominating the airwaves and dooming everyone to failure. Looking at Keith, the love of her life, she knew that wasn’t true. She was determined to find and connect with women just like her—happy and optimistic about marriage, deeply in love with her spouse, and committed to building a strong marriage that stands the test of time. On a whim, she started the blog HappyWivesClub.com and sent the link to 5 friends. What started as a casual invitation to five women exploded into an international online club with 150,000 members in more than 100 countries. Happy Wives Club is Fawn’s journey across the world to meet new friends and discover what makes their marriages great. 

Fawn Weaver, the founder of the Happy Wives Club wrote a book about the best marriage secrets the world has to offer. They say the book is like “Eat, Pray, Love meets The 5 Love Languages.” I say the book is inspiring. You can grab a copy HERE.

Do you have a secret that has made your marriage great? Leave a comment below. I’d love to hear about your success.

Comments

  1. Such a great tip and one I will definitely remember the next time we disagree! 🙂
    Jamie @ Roubinek Reality recently posted…Ad: Eating Well with Healthy Chicken Lettuce WrapsMy Profile

  2. I absolutely love your post! Our pastors are deeply passionaionate about marriage. In fact, they have been married 34 years and have created a ministry in our church called “Committed Couples.” It’s like small groups that make up one LARGE group.Many couples sit at a table with another mature married couple that the pastor has designated as the table leaders. The ministry meets once a month for snacks or dessert while Pastor discusses a different topic each month for 12 months- every thing from finances to conflict, sex, communication, children etc. It has been a tremendous help to our marriage, but the one thing that stands out the most that was hurting our marriage WAS the lack of intimacy. Women do not realize how much men feel rejected when they abstain from sexual intimacy just because they think they are too tired or don’t feel like it. “Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage” by Mark Gungor can be found on Youtube, and it is extremely funny! I also love Jimmy & Karen Evans. They are experts on marriage.

  3. Your husband sounds a bit like mine.

    Have you ever had one of those fights where it’s really all you, and the more you talk, the more ridiculous it gets? It’s like you’re standing outside your body and you can see exactly what you’re doing but you’re powerless to stop. I did that once and my gracious husband finally said, “Do you want to just stop?” I said: “I do.” And we went to sleep. I have always been grateful to him for recognizing my stupidity and giving me a gracious out.

    We’ve been married 32 years.

    Visiting from SITS.
    Patty@homemakersdaily.com recently posted…Ham and Egg CupsMy Profile

    • Patty, I can SO relate!! I try to never dicuss anything if I am tired or hungry. It had to think clearly under those conditions, ya know? Thanks for the great feedback!!
      Congrats on 32 years- I wish you a lifetime more!! 🙂

  4. OH

  5. I think I pressed enter too soon!

    What I was going to say was, Oh My Gosh! I love that sentence!

    I will always love you more than being right.

    So beautifully brilliant, heartfelt and WISE.

    Thank you for sharing this story! LOVE IT!

  6. “I will always love you more than being right”…whoa. That is great. I can relate to Fawn’s message. We have been married for 14 years and through all our ups and downs we are happier now than we ever have been thanks to open communication and A LOT of hard work.
    Tara Newman recently posted…Weekly Workout RewindMy Profile

  7. Wow. What a great post! My husband is and has been my BFF since I was 15! This post resonated with me because I tend to raise my voice in conversation also. I loved the statement, “I will always love YOU more than being right.“ Being right is over-rated! I did a graphic print with this same thought. Its {somewhere} on my blog! Nice to meet you through SITS tribe! Have a “happi” week! ~Jillene
    Jillene@inkhappi recently posted…Love… it’s this weeks happy thoughts!My Profile

  8. Ohh I love the name Madden- it&128#7;s top on my list for a boy. But I keep popping out girls haha We are also part time cloth diaperers and I agree with all of your pros and cons. BumGenius are my fav by far!

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