New Year, New Parts of Me … maybe.

5 pregnancies, 4 babies, infinite nights turning into months that add up to years of nursing and a lifetime filled with nurturing other humans…
Yes, becoming a parent is a magical and beautiful season of life. What it has done to my body hasn’t always left me with the same sentiments, however.

Parenting grows our character and stretches us in ways we could never imagine. Quite literally. Even with the numerous messaging out there that encourages me to believe the scars and stretch marks from those times are a beautiful reminder of how strong and capable my body is, when I look in the mirror it doesn’t make me feel beautiful no matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise.

These “imperfections”, as I see them, are totally repairable and what makes me feel empowered is knowing I have a choice to live with them or not. I’d always said that after we were done having children I would like to make some adjustments. I worked hard to lose forty pounds in 2018 and have a continued goal for 2019. I decided it was time to consider it more seriously.

I lost count of the number of before and after photos that I analyzed as I made the case for these procedures to my husband. For the record, initially, he was very on the fence. You see, I’m married to this wonderful human who adores me… mind, body, and soul. It’s never been a question of being more attractive to him or anyone else. This transformation truly is more about me being satisfied with me.

Today, on the second day of the new year, my husband and I went for a consultation to talk about what that would look like. Or more specifically what I could look like. I had carefully researched surgeons for months before calling for a consultation. It took 3 weeks to get in as the doctor I preferred is booked pretty far out. This offered more time to consider if this was something I really wanted to do.

I asked R to come with me so that he could ask any questions he had and since he would be helping me with the recovery process, I wanted him to know exactly what I was getting us into. “Us” because I really will be depending on him a lot in the weeks following. I think one of the misconceptions I had before researching all of this was that it was an easy surgery. It is definitely major surgery.

We both asked a lot of questions. Then there was the picture taking. If you ever want to test how fearless you are, forget bungee jumping or mountain climbing. Schedule a cosmetic surgery consultation instead. Seriously. Think of the parts of your body that you are most insecure about, strip naked in a brightly lit room and let a -very nice- professional stranger take up-close photos from multiple angles of exactly those parts you’ve been camouflaging for most of your adult life. It was kind of like the dream where you show up at school with no pants.

Ultimately, I don’t know what I’ll end up doing. Or how much I’ll share or not share along the way. There was a big part of me that was very apprehensive to share any of this. I guess I just thought it was fair to acknowledge the perspective that as women, mothers or non-mothers, we have control over our bodies to do with them as we please for our own satisfaction. You are allowed to get cosmetic surgery. You’re allowed not to get surgery. What we aren’t allowed to is pass judgment on the choices people make about their bodies “natural” or not.